Tag: communication

November 30, 2021

Your Words Matter: Think Before You Talk

As a young child, my father had a phrase, I might even say it was a mantra, that he often communicated to my sisters and to me, ‘Think before you talk.” Even as I type it out now, I feel the eye roll of an adolescent child begin to take over. As a young female in a South Asian immigrant family, I interpreted this phrase as ‘be quiet’ or ‘speak when spoken to’ and I did just that. I was an introverted, quiet child who spoke rarely in the school setting. I often kept a long and winding inner narrative alive in my head but rarely shared my thoughts with others. I did not think my words mattered to others. Now as many years have passed, I actually find myself thinking of this phrase with new meaning.

As an adult, a leader, an educator, and a parent I have learned through many small and big moments that this was not the full interpretation of the phrase.

September 28, 2021

Modeling Leadership Style

What kind of leadership style are you modeling in your family? 

I grew up in a first-generation immigrant family. My father worked 6 days a week as a physician at a hospital, a clinic, and also running his own practice. He left early in the morning and returned late at night. The only day he was home was Sunday. On Sundays, he worked too but on home-related things: mowing the lawn, weeding the garden, changing the oil in the car. He was a hard worker who was dedicated to his profession and to his patients and was determined to create a certain life in a new country for his family. What did I learn from watching him? I learned to work hard all the time. I learned that you can achieve what you set out to with determination. I learned that it was important to do things yourself. I also learned difficult things, some of which I have had to unlearn.

September 8, 2021

What’s in a Name?

What’s in a name? When I was growing up, I can’t tell you the number of times people either mispronounced my name or just didn’t say it at all. In ninth grade, I switched schools and somehow a classmate assigned me a shortened version of my name. It stuck. This made life infinitely easier. As time went by, I felt a loss for my full given name. Who was I making it easier for? Me or others? I realized I was just trying to avoid microaggressions and awkward, challenging moments that others created because they couldn’t be bothered to take the time and effort to attempt an unfamiliar name.

Names are a big part of a person’s identity and probably one of the first things that you learn about a person. It’s natural to sometimes mispronounce an unfamiliar name. Most of the time, there are no bad intentions involved. Still, the impact of mispronouncing a name, not taking the time to learn the correct pronunciation, or using ‘nicknames’ can be harmful.

August 2, 2021

Develop a Sense of Belonging

How can you develop a sense of belonging this year? As you prepare for students, families, faculty, and staff to return to campus, there is much to think about: maintaining health and safety, preparing facilities, gathering supplies, and so much more. When you welcome your community back to campus, remember an important part of your preparation: How will you develop a sense of belonging? 

Belonging, One of Our Basic Needs:

According to psychiatrist William Glasser, Belonging is one of our basic needs. He defines love and belonging as one of our essential psychological needs for seeking relationships, making connections, giving and receiving affection and feeling part of a group. Sebene Selassie, mindfulness expert and author of You Belong, describes belonging as coming from within a person and states that difference does not mean ‘not belonging.’ Selassie writes, “Difference” does not equal “not belonging,” but as many of us live farther away from our families and as we connect to multiple communities and cultures, our sense of belonging feels tenuous.”

July 16, 2021

Setting Meaningful Intentions

Summer is the time to set your intentions for the new school year. When the hallways are quiet and the classrooms are empty, reflect and create intentions for your team that will articulate your work for the upcoming year. Reflection is the first step. Take time to look back before you look ahead on the challenges and successes of the year. Then, create two or three intentions to guide your work.

How do I set meaningful intentions?

Setting meaningful intentions takes time. Strategic work is thoughtful, long-term, and can shift culture. In schools, strategic work should always center student growth and be grounded in the school mission.

  • Center students. Ask yourself: What is best for students? Keep your intentions grounded in this central idea.
  • Keep your school mission, vision, and values as the foundation.
  • What are the areas in your school or your team that need improvement? Make a list.
  • What themes do you see emerging in your list?
June 25, 2021

Reflection

This is a moment for reflection and restoration. This has been a challenging and complicated time in schools and this summer will be an essential time for reflection as well as for restoring energy, empathy, and compassion. 

When working with students, we often ask them to reflect on their work and their process as good teaching practice. Reflection is an essential part of meaningful assessment and ultimately growth. We need to allow ourselves, as educators and leaders, the same time and space to do this vital work in order to process what we have learned, what we want to do differently or the same, and make plans to move forward in thoughtful and intentional ways. 

Reflecting on our practices can deepen our understanding of ourselves. When we reflect as a team, we can make our teams stronger; deepening the connection between colleagues, building empathy and strengthening relationships. 

PBL Works designed some helpful tools to use with faculty/staff for reflection.

May 14, 2021

Finishing the Year with Gratitude

As the school year comes to an end, a gratitude practice can intentionally direct hearts and minds to name and offer thanks for little things. It can focus our thoughts on positive aspects of our life and our work. It can help turn a deficit mindset of feeling, that nothing is ever enough, into a plentiful mindset of feeling fulfilled. Our capacity to feel generous is increased when we feel we have enough. When we practice gratitude, we focus less on wanting/grasping and resisting/pushing away. Practicing gratitude as a team is an opportunity to see our interdependence and feel a connection. 

Gratitude practices, over time, can have an impact on physical and mental health and the brain. “… simply expressing gratitude may have lasting effects on the brain,” noted Joshua Brown and Joel Wong in their research on gratitude. Research has shown connections between gratitude practices and physical and mental health.

April 15, 2021

Knowers or Learners?

Are you creating a culture that honors knowers or learners on your team or in your classroom? When you honor knowers, you honor answers. When you honor learners, you honor questions. Knowers value being right. Learners value being curious. Knowers are often quick to come up with answers. Learners may take their time to find the right questions or identify the true problem. As a child, I grew up in a family system that valued ‘knowers’. I quickly became silent, discouraged, and less confident not only at home but also at school. Many of my childhood classrooms and adult work environments honored ‘knowers’. When I finally reached a work environment that created a culture for ‘learners’ to thrive, I also began to grow and thrive. Brené Brown describes being a learner as having the courage ‘not to know.’ Which culture are you promoting? These are just some ways you might be creating a culture that values ‘knowers’ or ‘learners’.

April 1, 2021

Keep Asking Why

When you heard about the tragic murders of Asians in Atlanta, did you ask why? When you watched videos of police brutality against Black Americans, did you ask why? When you learn about the violence and oppression of marginalized people in this country, do you ask why? 

Did you ask why or were you simply shocked and surprised? I hear people saying, “This is so surprising! I can’t believe it!” We need to believe it and we need to ask why. We need to educate ourselves and know our history. We need to stop being surprised and understand the systems. The reasons for something happening today are deeply connected to the past. It’s not about ‘having a bad day.’ If we don’t understand this, we can’t make a change.

What can schools do? 

Schools have a duty to teach students accurate history that holds many narratives, not just the narrative of the dominant people of the region.

March 19, 2021

Stay in the Discomfort

It is imperative that we stay in discomfort. Discomfort is a feeling of anxiety, uneasiness, and embarrassment. We must acknowledge this feeling and learn from it. Embracing discomfort is a form of compassion, learning, and honesty. Discomfort is a sign of something happening. Pay attention to the feeling. Do not fight it or feed it.

A recent article highlighted how the people who have historically experienced power, privilege, and comfort in independent school communities are now feeling uncomfortable with the way these schools are educating their kids. Independent schools, many of which are founded on serving and educating white males, are now serving very different communities. Schools need to change when their communities change. The curriculum needs to change. Approaches need to change. The distribution of resources needs to change and so much more.

What can schools do?

  • Schools need to move forward with their decisions and stay the course.
  • Stay in your discomfort as well.