Strong (not rigid) Leadership

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Can you be a strong leader and leave the rigid mindset behind?

Can you be a strong leader and simultaneously leave the rigid mindset behind? Do strength and rigidity have to coexist? I believe that with practice and mindful reflection, you can achieve strong leadership without rigidity. To me, rigidity is the shadow side of a strong leader. If you lean too much into your power, you may become set in your behaviors and mindset. 

This is something I had to work on early on in my leadership journey. As a new educator and then as a new manager, I found comfort in systems and structures, especially those that seemed to be effective. Some of my top Clifton strengths are in the executing domain and, if overused, can lead to a rigid and overly structured mindset and behaviors. When these strengths are over-leveraged, I am less open to alternative options and opinions.

What are your Metrics for Success?

You Get To Decide What Works

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What are your metrics for success? What measuring tape do you use to determine whether you are effective or successful? You get to decide. In fact, you will be more effective if you decide for yourself rather than only letting others decide for you. I used to think other people decided my level of success for me. I waited for external feedback to know if I was doing well at a job or at school. I wondered if people noticed when I worked hard or accomplished a task well and if they would acknowledge my work. When I moved to running a small business on my own, it became harder to set metrics for success and know if I was doing well. I started to realize that I could decide what the metric was and give myself feedback.

Finding the Right Metric

If the metrics you are looking at aren’t useful in optimizing your strategy, stop looking at them.

Sit in the Uncertainty

What does it feel like to sit in uncertainty?

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What does it feel like to sit in uncertainty? Normally, when I get that feeling in my mind and body, I do everything to push it away, avoid it, or fix it. I do not know what is going to happen next. My muscles feel tense, and my body temp rises. It is my reflex to quickly fix or move away from what is happening because I don’t want to feel this way. This is not often an effective strategy. When we rush to fix or avoid as leaders, we can miss opportunities, perspectives, and so much more. What would it look like and feel like to sit in that uncertainty and not try to avoid it? What would that accomplish?

Strategies for Sitting in Uncertainty:

  • Check the facts: This is an effective strategy with its roots in Dialectical Behavior Therapy.

Re-Aim Your Strengths

Aim your strengths so they work for you!

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I can often leverage my strengths to do well in the workplace, yet when things go wrong, I sometimes realize that I have overleveraged my strengths and gone to the shadow side. One of my top 5 strengths in the CliftonStrengths Assessment is Developer. The Developer theme helps me to manage direct reports effectively and invest in their growth. I can see where people have strong skills that will help the team and where they need to keep growing. The Developer’s strength also made me an effective educator in the classroom. When I did not pay attention to my shadow side, ‘Developer’ led me to make mistakes in my career when I leaned in too hard to the muscle I built in this area. At times, I overinvested in people who did not seem as invested in themselves.

Don’t Forget About the Joy in Parenting

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One of the essential pieces of parenting is joy.

One of the essential pieces of parenting that we often forget about is joy. Parents are at times overwhelmed with all the opinions, theories, research, and books that get hurled at us, and we forget about the joy of parenting. After all, what’s the point if we are not finding joy in interacting with and raising these future adults? 

I know there are hard times, times of chaos and messiness and stress. Sometimes, they are fast times, and sometimes they seem to last a long time. My children are now in their 20s, and I truly enjoy the adults they have become. My husband and I marvel at the fact that these are the same kids who sometimes drove us wild, and at the many doubts we had about them in the past. 

When we were raising our young kids, educators, therapists, and experts recommended a series of books with escalating titles: Raising Your Spirited Child, The Difficult Child, and finally The Explosive Child.

Intentional Reflection

Leaders rarely make time for reflection.

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Leaders rarely make time for intentional reflection. It feels like an impossibility to reflect as a leader. Busyness takes over, or at least that’s what we tell ourselves! Completing tasks and work agendas gets in the way of alone time to reflect. 

Reflection is an essential skill for intentional improvement as a leader. If we don’t take time to reflect, we set goals without intention, or we do not set goals at all. Leaders end up playing whack-a-mole as problems arise in their daily work. If we set goals without intention and reflection, they are less likely to be effective and meaningful goals. Much of the essential work is in the reflection before the goal setting. Slotting the time into your calendar is one of the first steps. This is a habit that takes time and practice and needs cultivation and attention.

Equanimity is a Path to Maintaining Calm

Equanimity can lead to balance.

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What is Equanimity?

Equanimity is defined as an evenness of mind, especially under stress, according to Merriam-Webster dictionary. As a leader, this is an essential strategic leadership quality. As a parent, you are a leader in the home, and it’s not only an essential skill to practice but also a way to model, observe, connect with your child, and practice empathy. 

Equanimity does not mean being aloof or detached. It means you still have feelings and compassion, and you are a steady and balanced presence that can see options and can support the people around you. When I can practice equanimity, I can observe what’s happening around me. I can see options and choices. I am not hijacked by my feelings. My frontal lobe has not been taken over by the amygdala. 

How Does Equanimity Impact Parenting?

Cindy Goldrich states the importance of staying calm and connected as a parent in her books and workshops with families and educators.

Identify and Leverage Your Child’s Strengths

What are my child’s strengths?

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What are my child’s strengths? Sometimes we are so focused on what goes wrong in parenting, and the mistakes we make and our children make, that it is hard to focus on the good stuff! And yet a strengths-based approach is essential for growth and change! 

When my children were younger, I remember my attention being drawn to the negative and the problematic. I would come home from work and immediately notice if the backpacks and shoes were yet again left in disarray at the door. This would lead me to comment to my kids: “Why did you leave your backpacks and shoes all over the hallway again?” A negative spiral of communication would ensue. It also led me to overlook that they were actually doing their homework and being productive at that moment. 

Why should we focus on strengths?

Sustainable Leadership: Ego, Trust, Humility

How can leaders lead in a sustainable way?

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How can leaders lead sustainably? When leaders sit in despair and urgency, thinking they are the only person who can help, does that help? Is it sustainable to lead this way? Does it lead to burnout?

Recently, I watched an episode of Season 2 of The Pitt, a show that focuses on emergency room events in a hospital in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I found myself struggling with Dr. Robby’s character this season. It all hit home in one conversation he had with Nurse Dana. Dr. Robby won’t leave for his sabbatical, and he tells Nurse Dana he is convinced the entire hospital and all the people he supervises will fall apart in his absence. Wow! I have experienced many leaders like this, and I have felt this way at some point or another. To me, this can be a dangerous place for leadership to live.

Leadership and Parent Coaching

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I am excited to share that I provide both leadership and parent coaching services from PRI Educational Consulting. I have been offering leadership and executive coaching services for many years now, and have added Parent Coaching to my services. 

I completed a course through Cindy Goldrich on Coaching Parents who have kids with ADHD. I learned so much and I tapped into my background and experience as an educator and a parent. I find that at any age or stage in my career there is more learning and growing to be done.

I have come to realize that parenting in the home and leading in the workplace have much in common. 

  • Both parents and executives/administrators are leaders of people. They set the tone for their team, colleagues, and family members. 
  • Both leadership and parenting roles have demands outside of the home and the office.