Photo by Sierra Koder on Unsplash

Enabling holds people down, and supporting lifts people.

Enabling holds people down, and supporting lifts people. When we lean into enabling rather than supporting as parents, there is no path to independence. When we lean into supporting instead of enabling, we are creating a path to independence. The teacher of my parent coaching course made a clear distinction between enabling and supporting. She defined enabling as doing things for others with no plan for their future independence. Supporting is helping someone with a plan to help them build a specific skill towards independence. 

Enabling is the shadow side of being supportive. If we just repeatedly do things for others with no long-term plan for them to learn or do for themselves, then we are enabling. Supporting is showing, helping, guiding folks towards developing a skill, and eventually doing this skill independently. Supporting is at the core of being a coach.