Tag: mindset

October 27, 2023

Broadening your Circle of Comfort

Have you ever tried to broaden your circle of comfort?

Photo by Joshua Earle on Unsplash

Have you ever tried to broaden your circle of comfort? Did it feel risky? Scary? My very wise and thoughtful meditation teacher, Gayathri, recently spoke to our class about this idea of expanding your comfort zone. Somehow, this wording landed much better with me than the usual phrase of saying, ‘Take more risks.’ It felt more expansive and doable. It felt less scary. 

I am a person who generally enjoyed a small comfort zone for most of my life. I like structure, predictability, and daily routines which sometimes led me to have a small comfort zone and in turn, led me to see many things as full of risk. I have had many transitions in my adult life. In these transition times, I am often faced with a decision of whether to expand or contract my comfort zone.

September 15, 2023

Take What Works, Leave the Rest

Do you hear the opportunity in this phrase?

Photo by Kevin Bhagat on Unsplash

Take what works and leave the rest. I have heard this expression a few times in various settings. At first, I thought, is this what you say when you don’t feel like completing something? When I was growing up in an immigrant family that came to the U.S. in the early 1970s, my dad would often hold us captive for his many lectures on life, hard work, and success. One of his frequent lines to us, especially if we complained about something school-related, was, “90% of life is doing what you don’t want to do.” So basically, get over it and just do it! Recently, my 24-year-old son was complaining about something at work and he said, “I know what you always say, 80 % of life is doing what you don’t want to do.” Hmmm. That did not sound like positive parenting when I heard it said back to me that way.

August 25, 2023

It’s Not About the Destination

It’s not about the destination. It’s about the journey.

Photo by Vlad Bagacian on Unsplash

I am sure you have heard these statements before. Recently, I was in a yoga class and the teacher said to lower your head towards the floor. Then he said, it’s not a destination, just think about how you might head that way. Hmm, I thought. This statement resonated with me. 

I used to function under the premise of working by setting a goal and achieving it. Then I would set a new goal and achieve that. Almost like jumping hurdles in a track race. I moved along in my career and in parenthood like that for many years. I would go through the routine for work and home day by day, accomplishing tasks and meeting goals.

FOCUS ON THE JOURNEY

Now further along in my career and in parenting with two children over twenty, I do things a bit differently.

March 2, 2023

Challenge without Strain?

Can you have a challenge without strain?

Photo by Luemen Rutkowski on Unsplash

Recently while holding a pose in yoga class, the teacher mentioned that you should feel challenged without strain. I wondered about these two words. I used to think a challenge had to come with strain. There was no other option. How do you separate the two? Can you separate these ideas? The practice of yoga and meditation has helped me to discover that yes in fact you can separate challenge and strain. 

Challenge and strain are two different things that sometimes co-exist. Challenge is defined as something new and difficult that requires great effort by Meriam Webster’s dictionary. Strain is defined as stretching to maximum extension and tautness, to injure by overuse, misuse, or excessive pressure. 

Growing up in an immigrant family, I was taught that challenge and strain were inextricably connected. If something was difficult and arduous then it was worthwhile.

November 3, 2022

What Do You Do With A Problem?

Kobi Yamada writes of a brilliant idea in his book, What Do You Do With A Problem?

Photo by Diego PH on Unsplash

Yamada shows us how to view a problem as an opportunity. His main character is a child with a problem that keeps growing as he keeps worrying about it and even ignoring it. Until he decides to take a different approach. Yamada writes: 

When I got face-to-face with it (the problem), I discovered something. My problem wasn’t what I thought it was. I discovered it had something beautiful inside. My problem held an opportunity! It was an opportunity to learn and grow. To be brave. To do something.

Kobi Yamada

When I am faced with a complex problem, I think about it constantly. The issue will fill my every thought in waking hours and I may even dream about it. This type of rumination can feel like it’s overtaking my mind.

August 25, 2022

Summer Regrets

Photo by Marcos Paulo Prado on Unsplash

Do you have summer regrets? Now that summer is coming to a close, do you have regrets about the things you didn’t do for yourself, with your family, or for work? Many of us go into summer with big plans of family time, road trips, books to read, and tasks to accomplish around the home. As summer comes to a close, I am realizing that I did not hang all those pictures, get that hole in my jacket repaired, or start writing in that gratitude journal. Should those items now become regrets? Or should I reflect and reshape them to become goals for right now? Who said that just because summer is over on the calendar we can’t still work towards our aspirations? According to Daniel Pink in his book The Power of Regret, the feeling of regret can be used in effective and powerful ways. 

August 4, 2022

Are You Strong Enough to Ask for Help?

Recently, I was reminded that asking for help shows strength. We just got a new puppy! It was a spontaneous decision.

We already have a three-year-old dog and we were about to move across the country in two weeks. Now 9 weeks in, I can barely make it down the street with both dogs. There is a lot of ankle biting, barking, and general chaos on the sidewalk. I am not sure our new neighbors are eager to meet our family. So after much thought, we decided to engage the support of an expert trainer and walker as well as sign up for puppy kindergarten classes. Now, we are taking a few steps forward each day. Of course, there are plenty of ankle-biting moments still today and in our near future. Just this morning, I was exhausted after walking a few blocks. 

At first, I thought outsourcing and paying for help was a sign that I couldn’t do something I should be able to do myself.

February 24, 2022

Start Small to Make Big Change

In the last few years, my son has become an avid climber. He loves to scale the indoor climbing walls as well as make his way up to some actual mountains. Of course, I found this terrifying as his mother. One look at the heights and steep climbs and I was scared. He took me once to an indoor climbing gym and I watched as he took one small part of the wall at a time, sometimes trying the same foothold and spot multiple times. I found this to be an intriguing and valuable lesson. One mistake I often make in my life is that when I want to make a change, I start with a BIG idea or vision and leap in with lots of energy trying to get directly to my end goal. As I watched my son practicing securing each foothold, I realized that he was teaching me something important.

February 4, 2022

Balancing Effort and Ease

Balancing effort and ease is one of the paradoxes in leadership and in life. I first heard this phrase in yoga class. Recently, I have developed a yoga routine that has been helpful for me not only in terms of my body but also my mind and spirit. I often feel that the things I learn from my yoga teachers are applicable to life and leadership. This lesson of balancing effort and ease is one of many I am currently learning. 

Balancing effort and ease is one of the phrases that the teachers often mention when holding a difficult position or trying a new pose. As my teacher explained, the challenge should be enough to be interesting and require a certain amount of effort and still, you should be able to breathe and have an awareness of what is happening. When we find the middle path, we find success.

How can you have both effort and ease?

January 14, 2022

Self Care is Not Selfish

Self-care is not selfish. Growing up I learned a different message. As a child in an immigrant family, I was raised watching parents who worked tirelessly for the good of others, building and supporting our small but growing Sri Lankan community in New Jersey. My parents did not take time for haircuts, manicures, exercise, or even an indulgent moment with a hot cup of tea and a good movie was rare. When I was a young mom and teaching full time, the last thing I spent time and resources on was self-care. I hustled to do my best at my job and take care of my family. I did indulge in the occasional haircut, soaking in every moment of the luxurious hair wash and scalp massage. Although when I returned home, I worked extra hard to cook, clean, and spend time with my kids. I almost felt guilty for getting a haircut, for taking care of myself, and for having time alone.